oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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