I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
