she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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