We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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