I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
