this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
