so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
