It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
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i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
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i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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