just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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