you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
