the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
