I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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