I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
