Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
