Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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