And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
