when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
3pm strippers are depressing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
