I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
