it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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