i think my tv is drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
