It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
