At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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