stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You are a genius and a whore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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