it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
