I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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