it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
