she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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