I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
