Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.