i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.