dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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