Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me