how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
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Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin