dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
