either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
