Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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