the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
