i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
