I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
