come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
