i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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