I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
