Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
