i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
