my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
