Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
