Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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