I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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