don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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