Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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