i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
