Umm I'm too high to move.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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