just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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