You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize