Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
