You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
