I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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