Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
