I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
