I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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