If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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