In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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