im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.