Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth

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  (917): so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center (1-917): you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth http://tfl.nu/ukvm
  Replies (78) Good night (15609) Bad night (1025)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  ...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...

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  (410): ...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear... http://tfl.nu/jb6u
  Replies (14) Good night (6166) Bad night (1006)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.

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  (206): I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before. http://tfl.nu/t0my
  Replies (21) Good night (1056) Bad night (5971)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.

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  (717): I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top. http://tfl.nu/bct2
  Replies (8) Good night (3759) Bad night (869)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

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  (509): Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup. http://tfl.nu/26kw
  Replies (14) Good night (1525) Bad night (5735)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.

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  (503): Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out. http://tfl.nu/zwrd
  Replies (9) Good night (3738) Bad night (852)
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  (562): View more from California

  I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.

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  (562): I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up. http://tfl.nu/b3gr
  Replies (5) Good night (2643) Bad night (818)
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  (626): View more from California

  I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.

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  (626): I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing. http://tfl.nu/hf05
  Replies (2) Good night (1129) Bad night (729)
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  (858): View more from California

  I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?

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  (858): I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again? http://tfl.nu/4q23
  Replies (4) Good night (1306) Bad night (602)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.

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  (727): He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life. http://tfl.nu/pdok
  Replies (12) Good night (732) Bad night (1232)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.

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  (360): She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone. http://tfl.nu/5hxx
  Replies (11) Good night (854) Bad night (1372)
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  (914): View more from New York

  true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"

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  (914): true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS" http://tfl.nu/3w8r
  Replies (14) Good night (1352) Bad night (450)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.

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  (989): I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed. http://tfl.nu/yar6
  Replies (1) Good night (450) Bad night (408)
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  (310): View more from California

  That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.

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  (310): That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it. http://tfl.nu/uvlg
  Replies (1) Good night (519) Bad night (687)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary

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  (985): I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary http://tfl.nu/6z7x
  Replies (4) Good night (453) Bad night (382)

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