Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back

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  (973): Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back http://tfl.nu/zjkd
  Replies (22) Good night (7500) Bad night (859)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

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  (339): I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion. http://tfl.nu/m237
  Replies (93) Good night (5423) Bad night (2149)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.

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  (407): I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong. http://tfl.nu/42z4
  Replies (7) Good night (1439) Bad night (2810)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"

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  (615): Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing" http://tfl.nu/ru0o
  Replies (7) Good night (4158) Bad night (1329)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.

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  (801): You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them. http://tfl.nu/lphx
  Replies (12) Good night (3700) Bad night (1140)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.

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  (208): i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home. http://tfl.nu/7itp
  Replies (2) Good night (2216) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  my self respect just called, its having a good time without me

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  (856): my self respect just called, its having a good time without me http://tfl.nu/iprn
  Replies (9) Good night (3245) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.

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  (504): Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit. http://tfl.nu/1p19
  Replies (4) Good night (2624) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.

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  (315): The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate. http://tfl.nu/isdg
  Replies (5) Good night (1818) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all

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  (412): I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all http://tfl.nu/skme
  Replies (6) Good night (885) Bad night (1721)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink

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  (215): no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink http://tfl.nu/rce8
  Replies (3) Good night (1655) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago

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  (440): Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago http://tfl.nu/7mtt
  Replies (0) Good night (498) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  "She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"

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  (207): "She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'" http://tfl.nu/bvrp
  Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on

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  (857): I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on http://tfl.nu/aaoi
  Replies (1) Good night (259) Bad night (126)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie

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  (530): I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie http://tfl.nu/lo8f
  Replies (1) Good night (364) Bad night (125)

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