shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
