Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
