My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
