She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
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It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.