Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.