I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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