Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
