I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
