I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
