im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's shark week go big or go home
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
