Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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