There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
