My balls are so social today.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
