so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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