Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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