So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
its liver damage thursday
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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