i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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