is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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