She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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