a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
