Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is classic penis vs brain.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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