I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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