There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
