Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
